Sailor H
by LuClipse85
Summary: Proof that I am truly the Queen of Humor! A Sailor Moon parody with the cast of InuYasha! Is that Miroku in a sailor suit? Whoa! "Sailor H", hilarity guaranteed! Read, enjoy & review!
1. In Progress

"Here at LC85 Galactic Studios, preparations are being made for LuClipse85's newest comedic blockbuster, 'Sailor H'! What a genius she is! She could very well be one of Takahashi Rumiko-sama's rivals if she had any. I simply can't wait to see her brilliance yet ag-"

"How shameless, lying to promote that vain as hell author, LuClipse85." Sesshomaru sneered with his usual detached voice.

Letonia looked up from her script at the demon lord beside her, and frowned with a teardrop. "Hey quit shootin' the messenger, Sesshomaru. LuClipse85 couldn't decide on an opening so I tried to help her out."

Sesshomaru scoffed, "She can conceive the body of her outlandish stories, but she has difficulty starting them. No wonder she procrastinated religiously on that literary project of hers."

"Shut up, will ya? She doesn't want anyone to know about it!" Letonia hissed.

"This is posted on the internet, practically everyone in the world who can read knows it now."

Letonia teardropped, cutting her aqua green eyes at him. She couldn't argue with him seeing as he had a point. "ANYWAY, I wasn't expecting to see you here, but thanks for showing up."

"I'm only here because that crazed woman wrote me in the script." Sesshomaru replied flatly. "Plus, she said she'd make it worth my while if I cooperated."

Letonia smiled getting an idea. "I see, she promised to make Rin the Moon Princess?"

"No, she threatened to include me in her Ranma1/2 parody and have that unholy monk violate my hindquarters." Sesshomaru stated flatly, teardropping.

Letonia looked to the side, not surprised. All LuClipse85 had to do was threaten a character's dignity/reputation and they'd do her bidding.

Letonia started to lead Sesshomaru to his dressing room when he stopped her. "It's clear you are also an anime character, but I have never seen you before."

"I'm an original character conceived by my boss, LuClipse85 from her own anime. I am from the planet Neptuonia, it's that world that she lives in that she mentions all the time. You take the Intergalactic Starship at the Tokyo International Airport and go north outside Earth's Exosphere for a few thousand miles and you'll come across a portal that looks like a whirlpool. You head right for it and go into hyperspeed. Then you follow the Milky Way stream for the next thirty thousand miles, still in hyperspeed, and make a left at Alpha Centauri and then go through the head of the Horse Head Nebula and you'll find a cluster of stars. You keep going until you see a McDonald's billboard and drive another few hundred miles and in your far right, you'll see a beautiful aqua green speck that's the same color as my hair. That's Neptuonia. But if you see a billboard of Alf waving and saying 'Eat At Joe's', you went too far." Letonia smiled with pride.

Sesshomaru just stared, wondering if she had O.Ded on her medication.

"Her little world even has a name?"

"Yeah, I was created during her four-year obsession with Sailor Moon." She added.

"That explains why she's writing this ludicrous fanfiction." Sesshomaru muttered that to himself, then spoke to Letonia, "If I'm going to play one of those idiotic characters-"

A crazed Sailor Moon cosplayer suddenly threw his Moon Scepter at Sesshomaru, who easily dodged it and glared at the person.

"Don't you DARE dis the great Sailor Moon, you demon! I don't care who you are! MOON EXIT, STAGE RIGHT!"

Sesshomaru and Letonia watched as the cosplayer ran away like hell to escape getting jumped.

"Fine, if I'm to play one of those 'characters'," Sesshomaru sighed, "I may as well play that masked man with the cape and played out tuxedo."

Letonia stared wide-eyed into space before her, realizing Sesshomaru had arrived late when she made the announcement to the others. She turned to the irritated demon lord and chuckled nervously, hoping he wouldn't kill the messenger with what she was going to tell him.

"Okay, see, LuClipse85 did the assigning, and that part's already taken."

"Say what?"

"LuClipse85 had preferences as to who she wanted to play what part and she had just gotten through with the casting several minutes before you came." Letonia further explained.

"Well who's playing the cape and mask guy?"

Just then there was loud complaining coming from a dressing room just ahead of them.

"Oh c'mon Koga, it doesn't look that bad. And besides.....uh....it coordinates with your hair at least." Hakkaku said, lying for his leader's sake.

Ginta went with him on the subject, "Yeah, in fact, you even got the black hair and the blue eyes! Just like the real Tuxedo Mask!"

Koga stood before his mirror, staring at himself in the black caped tuxedo and white mask that was his costume, trying to keep whatever dignity he had left by not crying in shame. Hakkaku took down Koga's ponytail and added the last thing: the top hat.

"I LOOK LIKE A DAMN PENGUIN IN THIS THING!!! LOOK AT ME!! I'M A FRICKIN' PENGUIN!!"

That did it, the wolf leader roared and fled to his closet, locking himself in and sitting on the floor in fetal position, mentally cursing LuClipse85 out. Ginta and Hakkaku glanced at each other for a solution but could find none. They looked at the closet door, trying to think of someway to get Koga to come out of the closet (snicker).

"Koga! You don't look that bad! Really!" Ginta tried, though he KNEW Koga wasn't buying it.

"Forget it, Ginta! I ain't comin' out!" (snicker!!)

Hakkaku rolled up his eyes and sighed, "Alright, we'll be straight with you, Koga: you DO look like a dork in that thing. And I don't know why with all the parts in this fic, she had you play Tuxedo Mask. But you only look like a dork by our standards; in Kagome's time, guys with class and prestige wear clothes like those."

There was silence. Then Koga peeked out of the closet. "For real?"

"Yeah, that's right." Ginta agreed. "Plus, Kagome says she's crazy about a 'sharp dressed man'. I don't know what the hell that is, but I'm certain she was talking about you."

"What a baby." Sesshomaru jeered. "Whining over how strange his costume is when it could be worse."

Letonia glanced to the side. _Yeah, he could be wearing YOUR get-up._

Just then there was the sound of thunder and flashing of lightening.

"You want trouble, pal? You're lookin' at it! (Thunder!) My name is trouble, I'm SAILOR JUPITER! Aw man, this is so COOL!!" Said Kagome who posed confidently before Sesshomaru and Letonia, then broke down in giggles, unable to hold it back.

Letonia smiled while Sesshomaru thought Kagome had completely lost her mind. She had quickly gotten in touch with her character and got all giddy about how she got such a cool part. She noticed the him staring at her and asked what the matter was.

"Not once has anyone been happy when LuClipse85 is controlling them." He narrowed his eyes. "Did you plead with her or something?"

"No. I'm one of her favorites, Sesshomaru." Kagome smiled.

"That pervert monk is her absolute favorite and look what that woman did to him." Sesshomaru contradicted. (He's referring to my fan art of Miroku on mediaminer dot org under my pen name).

Kagome had to admit she did get suspicious as to why LuClipse85 gave her a part she actually liked. But they hadn't discussed it or anything so she really didn't know why.

"I'm her favorite compared to Kikyo, I guess." Kagome answered, unable to think of anything else. "Now if you'll excuse, Sesshomaru and Letonia, I'm going to rehearse some more. Oh man! I love LuClipse85 for this! SUPREME THUNDER!"

Kagome released a powerful blast of lightening forward, accidentally hitting one of the people on the make-up and refreshment crew.

**"MY LEG!!"**

"OH! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Kagome went to help her while Sesshomaru muttered something about her being a scatterbrain for throwing lightening indoors. Letonia giggled, tickled by Kagome's reaction to her assigned part.

"If only everyone else was that enthusiastic about this fic."

"Speaking of everyone else," Sesshomaru spoke up, "What character did my idiot half-brother have the misfortune of being assigned?"

"SHE DID WHAT?! THAT AIN'T HOW IT GOES!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO AUDITION OR SIGN UP FOR A PART AND THE PRODUCER GETS BACK TO YOU ON WHETHER YA GOT IT OR NOT!! YOU DON'T GET ASSIGNED A PART!!"

Inuyasha roared to another of LuClipse85's assistants, Akari, who tried to keep her composure at Inuyasha's hollering. She did nothing more than stare at the hanyou with a half-lidded visage. Inuyasha understood and hung his head, growling.

"I forgot. LuClipse85 is a few DVDs short of a box set. She couldn't go by the rules to save her life."

"Hey, quit dissin' my boss, will ya? She's actually quite famous." Akari said.

"In her own twisted world she is!" Inuyasha roared in contradiction.

Akari smile brightly, mainly to aggravate him more. "Exactly. Where do you think you are now?"

Inuyasha stared blankly, realizing she made a point. "If I looked it up in the dictionary, this place would be synonymous with 'hell'. Okay, just tell me which of the four generals I am. But I better not be the gay-blond or that gay-ass Malachite (Kunzite)!"

Akari looked to the side away from Inuyasha, KNOWING he was gonna go into conniptions when he found out who he was assigned to play.

Inuyasha seemed to have caught on. "I'm gonna play the gay-ass Malachite, ain't I?" He asked flatly.

Akari looked back at him. _LuClipse85, you owe me a HUGE raise for this._ She thought before breaking it to the hanyou. "Okay, when LuClipse85 was doing the casting, she wasn't just writing down names haphazardly. Not the whole time anyway. She was trying to match the InuYasha characters to the Sailor Moon characters as close as she could. Long story short, Inuyasha, she tried to give you a good part, but at the same time, she also had to have the color schemes coordinate, and the only color that coordinates with you is red."

Akari looked at Inuyasha with a huge nervous grin and a matching teardrop on the side of her head. Inuyasha at first stared in agitation as he didn't get what she was saying;

Then it hit him.

His eyes bugged out and his jaw almost hit the floor. "Hold up one frickin' minute! The only Sailor senshi who wears red is Sailor Mars!"

"There ya go." Akari's only answer.

Letonia nearly jumped to the ceiling when she heard a door slam open. Koga stood in his doorway, still in his costume,glaring fiercely at Akari and Inuyasha, his eye brow twitching. "IS THIS A PARODY OR A HORROR FLICK?!"

"How many times I gotta tell you guys to quit shooting the messenger?! I'm only doing my job telling you guys what parts you're gonna be playing!!" Akari yelled, wishing she got paid more to do this job.

"I have to wear this gay-ass get-up and he's gonna be running around in a mini-skirt and I'm have to be behind him if there's heavy wind blowin' about?!!" Koga screamed in disgust.

"Pretty much, yeah." Letonia confirmed.

Koga stared at Letonia and Akari blankly. "LuClipse85, if this is some kind of punishment for a crime I've committed, I find a bullet to the head more humane."

"What the hell are you griping about, wolf?! You run around in a mini-skirt all the time but you don't hear me bitchin' about it!" Inuyasha hollered.

Koga narrowed his glaring eyes at Inuyasha, trying to hide his embarrassment. "It ain't a mini-skirt, mutt!"

"Oh, so then it's a really short man dress?" Inuyasha taunted with a impish smirk. He always got a kick out of making fun of Koga's clothes.

"SHUT UP!!"

Sesshomaru lowered his head, trying very hard not to laugh as he pictured his little brother in women's clothing.

Kashiya, LuClipse85's third assistant, was helping Shippo and Kirara get ready for their parts. She took out two cans of washable paint, one white and the other black. Kashiya dumped the black paint on Shippo and dumped the white on Kirara. Normally, makeup would've taken care of that easily and less messily, but Kashiya figured her method was quicker. Plus, she didn't have a lot of common sense anyway.

She smiled proudly as Kirara looked in the mirror at her now white fur. Kirara growled and transformed into her big cat size and attacked Kashiya! Shippo stared, wondering why he didn't think of that since he also opposed to the splash-of-paint method.

Kirara didn't maul Kashiya or draw blood, she just pounced on her and stared her in the face, growling and baring her fangs. She backed off when Shippo told her to, transforming back to her housecat size, but she continued glaring at the assistant, who was cursing in Hindi.

"Damn! What the hell's her problem!?" Kashiya exclaimed, still laying on the ground.

"Kirara's mad because you messed up our 'make up'. **She's **supposed to be Luna, and **I'm **supposed to be Artemis."

Kashiya cocked an eyebrow and then checked the memo LuClipse85 gave her that was in her jean pocket. Shippo was right.

"My bad. Lemme fix that then." She apologized.

"I know LuClipse85 gets a kick outta torturing everyone else, but why did she have to get me involved? I'm a fox, not a cat!" Shippo complained, muttering to himself. "Hey Kashiya, I don't mean to whine, but is there another role open that I could play?"

Kashiya checked a copy of the cast listing she was given. "Well, LuClipse85 is still kinda uncertain about everyone's roles, but there is one she's undecided on, you could check with her on that if you want it."

Shippo's face lit up. "Cool! What is it?"

"Well if you really want it, there's a high chance you might get it. If you don't want to be Artemis, you could be Sailor Chibi-Moon, Shippo."

Shippo stared at Kashiya, then grabbed the white paint can, and splashed the paint on himself. "I'd RATHER be the white cat than the pink menace!"

Kashiya and Kirara stared at the kitsune, Kashiya tried to stifle a laugh. The black paint on him was still wet and the white paint mixed with it, making him look Diana with tie-dye fur. Kashiya picked him up and carried him off to give him a bath and then try the make-up thing again.

Sango knocked on LuClipse85's trailer door, wanting to talk to her about her role. She found the door was unlocked and turned the knob. Sango was expecting to find the usual scene: LuClipse85 listening to her J-Pop and anime songs while talking to herself as she wrote the script for her latest work. This time, she was listening to "Moonlight Densetsu" and singing along to it, at the same trying to think a parody theme song opening for "Sailor H".

"LC85?" Sango inquired, trying to the author's attention.

LuClipse85 looked up and saw Sango standing by her door. She exclaimed and paused the music, asking Sango to have a seat.

"So you wanted to know what role your playing, Sango?"

"Yeah, I'm a bit disappointed because I wanted to play Sailor Jupiter, but you gave it to Kagome. So does that mean I'm playing Sailor Venus? Please, I beg you, say no!" Sango begged, she had seen the first two seasons of Sailor Moon and liked Sailor Venus the least.

LuClipse85 looked up at the ceiling, trying to think of a way of breaking it to Sango.

"Okay, I really thought about it while I was doing the casting. I was trying to decide which color to associate you with but nothing matched. So Sango, you are going to be a technical original character, Sailor Taijiya!"

LuClipse85 tried to sound as enthusiastic as possible, hoping Sango wouldn't be too upset. She wasn't, ironically.

"Personally LuClipse85, I think you're taking the parody thing too far. So what's my motivation?" Sango inquired, curiously.

"Your enemy has just annihilated your home planet in your past life, you are reborn as a demon slayer in your next life, this one, and you have a faithful and loyal pet, Luna. Your powers are a giant boomerang, a sword and even martial arts, mainly some Chinese ones to make you look even cooler to the male demographic. You know, the whole Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon thing." LuClipse85 explained enthusiastically.

Sango looked at her, finding her character quite interesting and surprisingly easy to figure out. Her expression seemed to read, "Been there, done there, what's new?".

LuClipse85 saw that she caught on so she gave to Sango straight, "Basically, Sango, I liked your character the way it was, and I honestly think Miroku would use that tiara on me, once he got the hang of it, if I tried to change you. Point blank, you're still Sango, you're just Sango in a fuchsia colored sailor suit, or whatever color you prefer."

Sango smiled happily. "Works for me! Thanks LuClipse85! Hmm. Let me see if I can repay you for this."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Letonia peeked into Kikyo's dressing room to check on her. "Hey Kikyo, we go on in a few more hours. Just to let you okay?"

"Okay, thanks Letonia. Oh, could you ask Akari to make me some more of those lemon cookies? They were really delicious." Kikyo asked.

"Oh yeah, I nearly forgot. Akari figured you'd ask so she made more in advance plus brownies." Letonia handed the actress the treats, which she accepted gleefully and placed on her coffee table beside her raspberry tea.

Letonia left her alone, saying under her breath Kikyo could stand to gain a few pounds. Just as Kikyo set her table, her guest appeared walked out of the bathroom in a cotton bathrobe, drying her red hair.

"Ah, I feels so nice to get all that dirt and junk off of me. I hate when that Sailor Brat uses that damn crystal on me. " The guest griped audibly.

"I feel so flattered to be playing your role in this fic, but at the same time I can't help but feel like I'm being mocked."

"You? But you're one of the good-looking ones on InuYasha, Kikyo. Saying that as a friend, okay? Why do feel like LuClipse85 is mocking you." Beryl wondered, puzzled.

"Point blank, she hates my guts." Kikyo said flatly. "Her and just about everyone else who's watched InuYasha since episode one. In fact, she and a few of her internet friends have a Kill-Kikyo hate group and they make plans to try to kill me."

Beryl stood by seated Kikyo, looking down at her with her arms folded. "Hmm. I don't see why. I mean all you did was try to kill that hussy Kagome. If only that arrow you shot at her had gone through her heart." She thought outloud, then smiled. "I would've loved to her get what she deserved."

Kikyo started lamenting over LuClipse85's view of her, "I'm so misunderstood! I'm just having a really crappy afterlife! That's all! I would've had a happy life with my love Inuyasha, but that damn Naraku screwed it up! And I'm not evil for trying to kill Kagome! The little homewrecker's mackin' on my man and as his first love, I had to put her in check!"

"Girl, I know how you feel. That little bitch Sailor Moon was the same way!" Beryl sympathized as she sat down and poured herself some tea.

"Are you serious? Sailor Moon tried to steal Endymion away from you? I thought he was her man?" Kikyo asked.

"Well, I saved him from death after one of my stupid henchmen, don't let his looks fool you, tried to kill him and he was completely devoted to me afterwards." Beryl's face showed happiness as she held the cup of tea to her mouth, then she sneered in jealousy, "Then SHE came along and stole him from me! Idiot wench!"

"Beryl, I feel your pain." Kikyo said, placing her hand on Beryl's shoulder to comfort her. "Kagome's stolen Inuyasha's heart from me, and now he doesn't want me anymore. I'll find some way to get rid of her, and then Inuyasha will come to the depths of hell with me and be mine for all eternity!"

"I have the perfect plan to help you out, Kikyo. It's too late for Endymion and I, but I can't let the same thing happen to my friend. Okay, listen up here's what you do......" Beryl whispered to Kikyo, who absorbed the information like a sponge.

Finally Sesshomaru was lead to his dressing room to prepare for his role in "Sailor H".

"Listen, Letonia, this technical tour of LuClipse85's mind has been very frightening and disturbing, all I want to know is since I HAVE to be in this, what part I am left with?" He demanded with quite an irritated voice.

Letonia tried to keep a straight face, whereas LuClipse85 failed to. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed, he knew something was up, he just didn't know what. Seeing as her lips were too scrunched together in order to keep a laugh from coming out, Letonia held her copy of the casting list up to his face so he could read it himself.

Sesshomaru found his name and looked to the right for his role. His amber eyes widened in shock when he read the name.

"Oh hell no!"

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

And that's chapter one of "Sailor H". Oh man, I could NOT stop laughing as I wrote the rough draft for this! I hope you all enjoy this parody of mine, I'm looking forward to bringing you more if that's your wish. Actually even if it isn't, you're still gonna see more.

By the way, I don't own InuYasha, or Sailor Moon. And that line about me being a few DVDs short of a box set came from Animerica Magazine. I thought it was funny, so I decided to use it.

And I'm serious, I was actually obsessed with Sailor Moon for four years. In fact, there's a website someplace called, "You Know You Watch Too Much Sailor Moon When" and tells of different things SM fanatics have done. In the first section alone, which was twenty pages when I printed it out, I did 50 of the listed things.

I ain't lying. I read, I counted, I remembered, andI actually did 50 of the items. Now mind you, those are what I actually DID, I think there were only a couple that hadn't crossed my mind at least once and those had to deal with the Strawberry Pop Tarts. I'm sure somebody out there got that at least. Anyway, that's all for right now!

Stay tuned for more! Sailor Moon Says! Heehee! (Relapsing! Gotta go!)


	2. Still In Progress

"And we have once again returned to LC85 Galactic Studios. Currently, the preparations for the comedic blockbuster, "Sailor H", are continuing as an unexpected delay has occurred, setting the schedule behind. But a setback such as that won't keep LuClipse85 from delivering her work! Her comedic genius is beyond compare and can overcome any obsta-"

**BONK!**

"ITAI! Alright! Who threw that! Who in Neptuonia threw that!" Letonia hollered from atop one of the palm trees outside the studio reading her script when a rock suddenly hit the back of her head.

"It would help if you looked down and not side to side, Letonia."

She looked down at her assailant, a vein bulging on her head as she growled, "You again, Sesshomaru! Don't you have someone else to pick on, like that wannabe Kermit the Frog!"

"You are as shameless as LuClipse85." The demon lord sneered. "Why do you waste your life trying to promote that unworthy author? Oh I forgot. You're advertising; an airhead liar is required for the job."

Just then Letonia hurled a blue fireball at Sesshomaru, who gracefully evaded it. He glared up at the Neptuonian, who held more in the palm of her hands.

"There's plenty more where that came from, pretty boy!" She hollered in rage and showered him with her fiery fury. Sesshomaru evaded them with ease and engaged in a battle with Letonia.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Inside the studio, everyone gathered around the set of "Sailor H" for their first day of shooting, everyone except Kagome complaining about their roles. Koga was still lamenting that he got stuck as a lame superhero (and a guy with bad fashion sense) in a cape. Ginta and Hakkaku kept trying to encourage him while Inuyasha tried to get over seeing himself in a red mini skirt. His body was way too masculine for that sailor suit.

Akari stepped up and got their attention, "Okay, people listen up! We're gonna have to wait a short while before we can get started, LuClipse85 came down with Writer's Block early last night and so the schedule's set back."

The InuYasha cast cheered happily, "FREEDOM!"

Akari smiled, "Aww, how about that? You're all happy that she got over her creative block!"

They froze upon hearing that then groaned and complained more, confusing Akari. "Hey, I thought you guys were happy she got a creative block!"

"Don't be so damn naïve, woman! We're mourning 'cuz she got over it!" Inuyasha hollered.

Akari teardropped when she saw the studio door open and saw Letonia stagger inside, leaning against the door frame, bruised, bloody and panting. She looked to her side at something outside, then smiled cockily, "Yeah, that's right! You better get to steppin', Sesshomaru! Don't make me go Hitokiri Battousai on yo' ass again!"

Letonia froze as a small rock hit her forehead and bounced off as she turned to enter the studio. Her eyes rolled up and she fell over, crashing face first onto the floor.

"If ya ask me, based on the looks of it, it was the other way around." Hakkaku said.

Akari and Kashiya rushed to Letonia's side, helping her up.

"Damn, woman. Sesshomaru to' yo' ass up!" Kashiya stated, amazed that ANYONE could beat her up that easily.

Letonia contradicted her, "Fluffy didn't tear my ass up, Kashiya…..he just kicked it merci-lilly-ly!"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Sesshomaru walked to LuClipse85's lavish trailer in the trailer park behind the studio. Letonia had only given him a scratch and two minor burns; he had beaten the living crap outta her almost! As he approached her door, Sesshomaru stopped and listened as he heard a noise from inside.

"Hahaha! Poor Ryoga! How can Ranma be so cruel? Man, that Kodachi is such a cheater!"

Sesshomaru teardropped and frowned as he let himself inside the fan-author's trailer. He found LuClipse85 leaning back in her chair, her legs propped on her desk and laughing and talking to herself while reading Ranma ½ volume 2. Hearing her door close, she leaned back and looked at Sesshomaru upside down, smiling brightly. "Yo."

Sesshomaru's stoic but irritated expression remained the same. "Tell me LuClipse85, is deliberate procrastination truly a religion with you?"

"I dunno. Is the deliberate use of Herbal Essences© as an aphrodisiac a religion with you?"

He cleared his throat. "Don't convict me of false accusations, LuClipse85. I use it for the sole purpose of making my hair soft and silky."

_That and something else. _LuClipse85 thought while giving the demon lord a look of disbelief, knowing he was lying.

"Anyway, all foolishness aside, I want another role."

"Sorry, all sales final." The fan-author spoke metaphorically returning to her normal position and continued her reading.

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes in agitation. He unsheathed Toukijin and held it threateningly at LuClipse85's back. She didn't moved but could tell what was going on.

"I'd advise against that, Sesshomaru; you'll be cursed if you attack me." She responded from her manga.

"What could someone like you possibly do to me, Sesshomaru?" He hissed arrogantly.

LuClipse85 rolled her eyes up, completely unphased by his threat. Sesshomaru took a step forward when a beeping sound sounded. LuClipse85 took out her large Sailor Moon umbrella and held it over herself, all the while still reading her manga, as the sprinkler system went off and soaked Sesshomaru with freezing water. She lowered her umbrella when the water stopped and she heard Toukijin fall to the floor, then finally turned around.

Sesshomaru's clothes lay in a pile on the carpet and from them, emerged a little white puppy with red eyes and a very confused look.

"What in the world…!" He exclaimed.

LuClipse85 bent down before him, smiling at his cuteness. "Like my special sprinkler system, Sesshomaru? Thought-controlled with imported water! All the way from China!"

Sesshomaru glared up at her in suspicion. "Where in China?"

"Jusenkyo, from the spring of drowned demon puppy lord."

He groaned, "LuClipse85, all I request is that I get a different role. But not that homosexual, Malachite!"

"What'd you and Inuyasha have against him, anyway?" She muttered, teardropping. "Sesshomaru, I already told you the casting is done and final!" Her smile broadened. "And besides, if I changed your role, it'd agitate my reviewer's anticipation. They're really looking forward to seeing you in your ground-breaking role…..or side-splitting at least."

"You only got nine reviewers, you depraved woman!" Sesshomaru growled.

"True, but they're dying to know to know who you're going to be playing since I haven't told anyone yet. Besides, you look good in the get-up! Now leave me to my work, I'm in search of inspiration!"

LuClipse85 went back to her desk to finish the Ranma ½ manga. Curiously, she looked behind her and found Sesshomaru still sitting in his pile of clothes, glaring at her with snarl.

She took a guess he was waiting for something. "You'll get the hot water when I finish this, now leave!"

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes and hissed, "I curse the man and woman who spawned you, LuClipse85!"

Figuring he was speaking ill of her parents, particularly her mama, she opened the door, positioned Sesshomaru to stand in front of it, drew her foot back and launched it into his butt, sending him flying outside and calmly closed the door returning to her "work".

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Several hours later, LuClipse85 stepped outside and greeted the bright sunlight with a stretch, ready to get her production underway.

"Finally, the black Amaterasu emerges from her cave." Sesshomaru stated with bitter sarcasm.

LuClipse85 froze in her stretching position and looked down on her right, finding Sesshomaru sitting by her door. "How long have you been there?"

He glared at her demeaningly. "Surely, you're not foolish to think I'd wait in that studio in this form."

LuClipse85 smiled and picked him, holding him affectionately and carried him in the studio. Everyone groaned upon seeing her, knowing that the torture would begin, then they saw the demon puppy in her arms. Inuyasha looked at Sesshomaru closely and recognized him, then commenced to poking fun at him. Needless to say there was an immediate quarrel, which LuClipse85 quickly broke up; she went about restoring Sesshomaru as promised.

Her assistants hit him with scalding hot water and Sesshomaru transformed into his oversized dog demon form. Ginta and Hakkaku screamed like little girls while LuClipse85 just looked up at him like that type of thing was perfectly normal.

"That's ironic." She said, unphased.

Before Sesshomaru could go for Inuyasha, Kashiya hosed him down with regular hot water and he changed to normal form.

Normal and naked!

Jaken immediately covered Rin's eyes and the demon lord just stood there, water dripping and formed a puddle around his feet.

"Sesshomaru's just standing there butt-nekkid!" Pretty soon she started checking him out. "Damn, he DOES have a nice ass!"

Suddenly, a rumbling noise was heard as Akari's words seemed to echo throughout the studio.

"What the hell is that!" LuClipse85 exclaimed.

Sesshomaru glanced up to the side, listening to the sound. He then heard the faint sound of screaming.

"Fangirls."

Koga and Inuyasha looked outside the door and sure enough, a massive herd of excited screaming fangirls appeared in the distant running like hell toward the studio!

All the noises and commotion seemed to upset Rin, causing her to worry. "Master Jaken, what's going on?" She implored, unable to see anything.

"This isn't for you to see, Rin! You're too young to witness Lord Sesshomaru's……glory." He stated while gawking in awe at naked Sesshomaru, who stood dignified like a god in the studio.

"Lord Sesshomaru! Are you fine, my lord?" Rin cried out in concern.

"Oh yes, he is!" Akari and Kashiya exclaimed, gawking with smiles at his perfect body.

"Halt." Sesshomaru declared, turning to the studio door.

Immediately and obediently, the excited fangirls heard him and did as he commanded, falling over each other as those in the back collided with those in the front. They all fell to their knees as a representative spoke for them all.

"Oh please, Lord Sesshomaru! Allow us admiration of your beautiful body! We'll gladly accept your poison claws if we may be granted our wish! PLEASE!"

LuClipse85 wondered how Sesshomaru could just stand there in the middle of her studio naked, and calm, like he didn't mind.

"Hey take a hike, ya buncha horny women! You're holding us up!" Inuyasha hollered to the fangirl herd.

"Shut up, half-breed! You're not the boss of us!" The representative hollered.

"Begone." Sesshomaru commanded before Inuyasha could draw the Tetsusaiga for being called 'half-breed'.

In despair, but obediently, the herd departed as quickly as they had arrived. As always, everyone was amazed by his popularity.

"How is it you got that much power over a bunch of women, Sesshomaru?" Koga asked in amazement.

Sesshomaru wasn't at all phased by his co-workers' reactions. "I'm Lord Sesshomaru, recognize." He answered coolly.

Inuyasha keh-ed, calling his brother 'kisama' under his breath. LuClipse85 snapped out of her daze and ordered Akari to get Sesshomaru a yukata or a daishiki, anything that would cover him. She was too busy gawking at his glorious physique to hear her boss.

"AKARI!" LuClipse85 screamed through her megaphone, nearly giving Akari a heart attack.

"What!" She asked, bewildered.

LuClipse85 repeated herself, "Go get Sesshomaru a towel or something, will you?"

"Do I have to, boss-lady?" Akari whined.

The fan-author teardropped and nearly fell over in her director's chair. "Do you wanna stare at Sesshomaru's butt-nekkid self all day!" She hollered, restraining herself from saying 'bare-ass' in front of Rin.

Akari stared at LuClipse85 blankly; the author's teardrop grew larger.

"Hel-looo?"

"Seeing as I have yet to move from this spot, the answer's obviously a 'yes'." A broad grin stretched to her ears.

"**MOVE IT!**" LuClipse85 shrieked through her megaphone, sending Akari flying.

She landed and went about her task, pouting and grumbling. Kagome and Sango turned their eyes away, trying extremely hard to fight the temptation to glance at Sesshomaru's naked body. Koga and Inuyasha tried their best not to feel intimidated, lest they give the impression that they were insecure about themselves. They saw Kagome glance and blush a brighter shade of red, then yelled for Akari to hurry up with that dashiki, preferring her to bring a burga.

LuClipse85 sighed in disappointment, "I wish that was Miroku instead. Then I could finally see what's under those robes!"

Koga stared in fright at her perverted visage as she chuckled. "Woman, you got more issues than Ranma ½."

Akari had fetched Sesshomaru's yukata, but stayed hidden so she could gaze some more at his butt in peace.

"Stop imitating that unholy monk and bring my clothing, Akari." He said in a low firm tone, his back facing her.

Akari emerged from her hiding spot, trying to look dignified, saying she didn't do anything wrong and handed him the yukata. LuClipse85 cleared her throat upon being asked by Sango if she was ready. Everyone got into their places when Kirara mewed after looking around the set, getting her mistress's attention.

"What's the matter, Kirara?" Sango then looked around among the cast, doing a mental role call and realizing the problem. "Hey, the star's missing."

Letonia looked up from her clipboard, "Come to think of it, he was here this morning either."

"He was the smart one. We should've thought about ditching too." Inuyasha griped.

* * *

Miroku was upstairs in his elaborate dressing room, asleep. LuClipse85 had provided him with THE best accommodations in an attempt, among many, to try and woo him. He had stayed up late the previous night playing Street Fighter, mainly watching Chun-Li do her Spinning Bird Kick move and watching her lower anatomy, imaging it was Sango doing that. After he finished, Miroku spent several hours fantasizing about her more until he fell asleep.

(Doing what will not be mentioned as the "PG-13" or "T" rating must be remembered.)

He smiled in his sleep, having a wonderful dream about Sango wearing a pale sheer nightgown for him. She was just about to slip out of it, when his eyes fluttered open, hearing a very remote noise from downstairs. Miroku groaned in a whining way, wishing he could have woken up after she had undressed. He sat in his bed, stretching his arms and yawning. He paused in his stretching position, hearing everyone talking downstairs but mainly hearing Inuyasha's bellowing for him to hurry and get downstairs.

"Why's he hurrying me, we don't start for another couple of hours." Miroku mumbled sleepily, glancing at his alarm clock.

Noticing something as he turned away, he did a double take, lifting the clock close to his face.

He had overslept an hour!

Miroku hollered, "What…! Why didn't this thing go off!" He looked at the alarm settings and found he had forgotten to set it last night.

He stared blankly into space, realizing the reason behind it. Shaking his head and putting it behind him, Miroku ran into the bathroom, hurrying to get himself ready. "Why didn't anyone wake me up anyway!" He griped while brushing his teeth.

Downstairs, everyone waited for Miroku.

"What the hell is that Miroku doing! I wanna hurry up and get this over with already!" Inuyasha griped impatiently, sitting in his dog position on the floor against a wall.

Koga, on the other hand, wasn't as anxious as Inuyasha. The sooner the hot monk got downstairs, the sooner he would see Inuyasha as Sailor Mars; he told Miroku to take all the time in the world if he needed to.

Grandpa Higurashi sat by the refreshment stand, sipping green tea and pigging out on the donuts. There were plenty of sweets on the table as LuClipse85 had quite a sweet tooth. Everyone could have as much as they liked, however, the cakes were off limits as that was her favorite food in the world. No one dared to touch them without LuClipse85's permission, except Inuyasha, dense as he was. Inuyasha had actually taken a slice, his definition of the word being a quarter of the cake, and LuClipse85 leapt from her director's cake and jumped him, beating him up and confiscating the cake.

"I warned the idiot." Letonia said to herself, glancing up toward the ceiling away from Inuyasha. "LC-sama will go medieval on anyone who tries to take her cake."

Inuyasha's ears twitched, hearing Letonia's comments. "Shut-up, Letonia! How was I supposed to know that woman would jump me for a cake!"

"Are ya hard of hearing? She just said she warned you." Ginta spoke under his breath while eating his Tokyo party mix.

"Like you gotta ask." Hakkaku whispered, stuffing a jelly donut in his mouth. "Inuyasha's slower than a dial-up connection."

"**What're you idiots jabberin' about over there!**" Inuyasha roared rising to his feet, his hand on the handle of Tetsusaiga in a fighting stance.

He startled the two wolves, causing them to choke on their food. Koga teardropped as he watched his comrades practically plead for their lives as the hanyou snarled threateningly at them, wondering why they were such chickens with Inuyasha.

Inuyasha didn't calm down until his face crashed into the ground several seconds later. Twitching in pain, he lifted his face from the hole in the ground and glared up at Kagome, who looked away like nothing happened.

"What the hell did I do this time, Kagome?" Inuyasha strained in a low tone, asking why she told him to sit.

"Leave Ginta and Hakkaku alone! They didn't say anything worth getting into a fight over!" She reprimanded.

Inuyasha hollered and pointed to Hakkaku, "He said I was slower than a dial-up connection! THAT'S something worth fighting over!"

LuClipse85 snickered, catching the angry hanyou's attention. "How the hell is that funny, woman!"

"You must be pretty damn slow for Hakkaku to say that!" She snickered.

Inuyasha then lashed out at her verbally, while Sesshomaru smirked, complimenting the wolf for his remark.

"**Where the hell is that damned monk!**" Inuyasha screamed, impatiently.

Just then, Miroku hurried down the stairs and onto the set, panting. "Sorry, I'm late everyone, I had overslept." He apologized.

Everyone stared wide-eyed at him, then burst out laughing. Everyone except Sesshomaru, who stared at him, eyes narrowed in embarrassment. Rin giggled.

"What? What's so funny?" Miroku asked, looking around for answers.

Sango leaned against a wall, giggling and blushing. "Miroku, were you in that much of a hurry to get down here that you forgot your uniform?"

"As well as clothes in general?" Koga added before grabbing his sides and laughing louder.

Miroku felt a sudden breeze and then looked down. He was in such a hurry not to be later than he already was that he'd forgotten to get dressed! He stood in the studio in his dark purple cotton pajamas with gold lettering, "Love Machine, Will Work Only For You" (referring to Sango) written in Japanese all over them, as well as no shirt or shoes.

Miroku laughed with everyone else, finding the situation funny.

Sesshomaru sneered, finding it shameful. "Really monk, you could have at least made an effort to properly dress yourself."

"Hey, at least **he's **wearing pants!" Inuyasha pointed out, still laughing.

"Much to my disappointment." LuClipse85 said, dreamily staring at Miroku, beginning to fantasize about him again.

He noticed Sesshomaru in a white yukata and asked about it. Akari filled him in, saying his clothes were in the dryer; he had a little mishap with the sprinkler system. Kashiya yelled for someone to get Miroku his uniform when LuClipse85 snapped out of her daydream and protested against it.

"Leave 'im alone! The man went through all that trouble to get down here! Let him prance around like that if he wants!"

"Hmph! Such a hypocritical woman!" Grandpa Higurashi scoffed, sipping his tea and cutting his eyes at LuClipse85. "She had the demon lord clothed but she wants the monk to walk around half-naked!"

She narrowed her eyes threateningly. "Quiet, old man! Miroku's wearin' clothes, whereas Sesshomaru wasn't, so it's better that way!" LuClipse85 smiled broadly, her eyes looking up at the ceiling. "Besides, I like being teased!"

She received stared from all around as she chuckled to herself. Inuyasha pretended he didn't hear that while her assistants seemed shocked, knowing that was a little out of character to their knowledge.

"I told you guys that monk was rubbin' off on her." Kashiya muttered to Letonia and Akari.

While LuClipse85 continued to giggle to herself, fantasizing about his body, Miroku cut his eyes at her slyly, conceiving an idea.

_LuClipse85 thinks I'm quite hot already. Perhaps if I turn up the heat, I could literally make her melt and she'll be unable to finish this parody._

Sango saw that sly grin on Miroku's face and narrowed her eyes in suspicion, wondering what was going on in that dirty little mind of his.

_Forgive me for this Sango. _"Now now, Kashiya, you shouldn't criticize LuClipse85-san. It's actually quite an honor to have a beautiful author compliment such a humble monk."

Miroku flashed a bright smile at LuClipse85. She brought her eyes down from ceiling to Miroku, the sparkle catching her attention. Her face went blank as she saw her beloved monk standing before her in his purple and gold pajama pants with that gentle visage and sexy smile that she loved, bare-chested and barefoot.

Everyone else stared as well, in curiosity, wondering what the monk was up to. They all were aware of Miroku's lecherous antics, but his approach was quite different.

Kagome glanced expectantly at Sango, then drew back slightly at what she saw. Sango bit on her kimono sleeve, growling jealously like a tigress. Koga took one look at her glare and took several steps away from her, his instincts telling him things would get violent.

LuClipse85 sat up straight in her director's chair, watching Miroku walk up to her slowly, purring to her in his smooth, deep, velvety, sexy, gentle voice he KNEW she loved. The next thing the fan-author knew the handsome monk was just inches from her face, her chin in his hand titled upward so she was gazing into his beautiful sparkling indigo eyes.

Miroku's co-workers thought him shameless to speak to her like she was actually his lover, when it was clear she wasn't. Not that LuClipse85 cared anyway; she was so captivated by Miroku that she was barely aware that she was breathing.

Miroku ending his purring with a question to LuClipse85, his eyes gazing into hers and his seductive smile never leaving his face. Her metallic purple eyes never blinked once throughout the whole thing; her heart pounded fiercely against her chest. Miroku's plan had only worked partially; the fan-author's brain was practically melted but was also completely saturated with hormones, with only one thing on her mind.

"Rin, shield yourself." Sesshomaru spoke to the young girl, knowing what was next as he caught a whiff of LuClipse85's scent.

Rin did as she was told, never questioning her beloved Lord Sesshomaru. She closed her eyes and plugged her ears, humming merrily and swishing her legs while sitting on her stool until he said she could look.

"LuClipse85, why're you so silent? You are indeed a beautiful woman, there's no reason to be shy." Miroku purred, inching a little closer to her.

"ROCK MY WORLD, BABY!"

LuClipse85 leapt from her chair and onto Miroku, wrapping herself around him and latching her lips onto his, taking him with her to the floor and kissing him passionately! Miroku moved all about underneath her, mentally screaming for help as his plan backfired.

Grandpa Higurashi stared stunned, his jaw dropped and he almost spilled his tea over his lap. Koga, Ginta, Hakkaku and Jaken cracked up laughing at helpless Miroku. Sango's eyes flew open and practically turned red with rage. Kagome held he back as the demon slayer grabbed a knife from the table, preparing to run LuClipse85 through with it.

"Koga! Help me out here before Sango kills her!" Kagome yelled to Koga.

He did as his beloved bid him, detaining Sango. She thrashed fiercely, slamming the back of her head into Koga's to try and knock him out.

"Let me go, Koga! I'm gonna kill that woman!" She roared.

LuClipse85's assistants tried to calm their laughing enough to try to pull their boss off of Miroku while Inuyasha tried to pull him out of her strong bear-like grip.

"Good grief boss-lady, give the man some air!" Akari exclaimed, straining to pull her off of him.

After putting some extra force into their pulling, they managed to pull the fan-author away from Miroku. LuClipse85 smiled blissfully while Miroku gasped deeply for air, stunned by her sudden and unexpected actions.

"O-kay, that worked a little TOO well." Miroku uttered.

"You foolish lecher, the woman was **waiting **for you to do that." Sesshomaru scorned.

"Damn pervert, you KNOW that crazy-ass woman gets all starry-eyes just hearing your name! What made you think she WOULDN'T do something like that!" Inuyasha practically screamed, standing over Miroku who sat on the floor, regaining his strength.

"His lips are so soft….and so is the rest of him!" LuClipse85 exclaimed breathlessly before sighing blissfully, falling back onto Letonia and fainting, her smiling never leaving her face.

Ginta and Hakkaku fell onto the floor, grabbing their sides and practically laughing themselves to death, sounding more like hyenas than wolves. Grandpa Higurashi shook his head, "I weep for their generation."

Koga was struggling to stay conscious as he continued to restrain Sango. She had stopped head butting him as her head was beginning to hurt but she still tried to escape his grip. Kagome tried to calm her down, but the demon slayer was insistent on killing LuClipse85 for crossing the line.

"O-kay, we're gonna have to postpone the filming for today, people." Letonia said with a nervous smile after observing her unconscious boss.

"Why?" Kagome asked, being the only one who argued. "She just swooned. Just let her sleep it off and we can go on with fic."

The assistants disagreed. "Trust me, if we leave her here and she wakes up, LuClipse85 is gonna do a LOT more than just kiss Miroku."

The laughing stopped; Grandpa Higurashi looked up from his refilled tea cup, realizing what they were saying. "You mean the young fan-author is **hot**?"

"Hotter than a sidewalk in August." Kashiya confirmed.

She and the others carried LuClipse85 back to her trailer while the InuYasha cast hung around the studio around the refreshment table. Sesshomaru started to tell Rin she could unshield herself, but saw she had her ears plugged; she wouldn't have heard him. He removed her right hand from her ear and then told her.

"If I may ask, Lord Sesshomaru," Rin spoke politely, "What is wrong with LuClipse85? Are you concerned?"

"I've been concerned about her since the day I met her." Sesshomaru mocked, then answered Rin softly, "Nothing physically is wrong with her. She's in heat is all, Rin."

"Ohh, poor LuClipse85-san. She must be burning up." Rin said with pity.

Jaken scoffed, "You don't know the half of it."

* * *

(Ranma ½ ain't mine, and neither is InuYasha. Letonia, Akari, and Kashiya, however, ARE!) 


	3. A Moon H is Born! It's About Time!

"Once again we return to LC85 Galactic Studios, where LuClipse85 has undergone-"

Letonia stood on THE tallest palm tree outside the studio to give the opening. She paused to look around for Sesshomaru, her last encounter with him making her paranoid. He was no where in sight, so she tentatively continued,

"Undergone a sudden illness; a "slight fever" brought on by Miroku. LuClipse85's endured worse and she'll soon recover and bring her latest installment of this brilliant and ingeni-**AHHHHHHH**!"

A beam of energy shot at her butt, lighting it on fire and causing her to jump around the tree until she slipped and fell to the ground screaming.

"DAMN YOU, SESSHOMARUUUUU-"

**SPLAT!**

A'un floated in the air above the studio; Sesshomaru rode on his back and smiled in amusement as Letonia lay motionless in wet cement, glaring up at him.

The dragon received a rub on the head from his master. "Good boy, A'un."

* * *

Rin walked through the trailer lot behind LC85 Galactic Studios, looking for LuClipse85's trailer, carrying a small gift basket for her. She asked around for the fan-author's trailer, saying she wanted to give her something for her 'fever'. 

"I wonder why they all laughed when I told them she was sick with a fever? You're not supposed to laugh when someone is ailing." Rin thought aloud with a slight frown.

When she asked, Rin had been told by the InuYasha cast that LuClipse85 was "in heat". Rin assumed it was the grown-up's way of saying "fever". Out of concern for the fan-author who was so nice to her, she decided to make her a "get-well" basket.

Rin smiled as she walked toward the lavish trailer, proud of her creation. "LuClipse85-san will love the health potion I made for her, and I know she loves pocky. I heard she loves fan-art too, so these drawings I made will make her smile as well!"

Rin stopped when she heard a noise and looked behind her. Kirara appeared, mewing.

"Hello Kirara-san." She greeted the two-tailed demon cat as she petted her on the head. "Did you wanna come with me to help LuClipse85-san get better?"

Rin smiled as Kirara mewed, taking that as a yes and continued on her way to the fan-author's trailer. She approached the door and was about to knock when she heard a moan come from inside, then another.

_Poor thing, she must be so miserable. _Rin thought in pity.

She quietly turned the knob and entered the trailer, finding LuClipse85 lying on her bed, sleeping. Rin crept up to her and stared at her face, noticing a smile.

Rin smiled as a thought came to her. "Somebody must've cheered her up already." She whispered.

Kirara groaned and rolled her eyes up to the side, wishing Rin knew the truth. The young girl placed her hand gently on LuClipse85's forehead. _She's kinda warm; she must only have a slight fever._ Rin set her basket beside the bed when she saw a cup of water sitting beside the desk. She grabbed the cup and suddenly tripped, sending the glass toward LuClipse85! The water splashed all over her face while the cup bounced off her forehead, waking the fan-author up with a start. LuClipse85 sat up in her bed; realizing she was in her trailer, she looked at the floor and saw Rin walking towards her with paper towels.

"I'm so sorry, LuClipse85-san! I didn't mean to give you a cold shower!" Rin apologized, quickly drying the soaked fan-author.

LuClipse85 said it was okay, she needed to wake up soon anyway; but inside she was actually quite upset as she was having a dream about Miroku seducing her and actually getting somewhere this time! Just as he was about to embrace her in a kiss, she got a cold shower.

"So, uh, did you wanna talk about something, Rin? Do you have a problem with your role, too?" LuClipse85 inquired curiously, as Sango, Shippo and Miroku were the only ones who didn't come to her with complaints.

"Oh no, LuClipse85-san, I'm ok with my role. It's just Lord Sesshomaru told me you were in heat. I figured it was his way of saying you had a fever, so I came to bring you something to make you feel better."

LuClipse85 couldn't help but smile, thinking that was very sweet of Rin, even if she did misunderstand the term "in heat". Rin pulled out a white bottle filled with a cold potion and told the author to drink it. She sipped it, then drank the liquid, enjoying the taste.

"I put a special healing spell on it, 'Binetsu Ryo Tai San!' (Slight fever begone!)" Rin smiled proudly at the scroll on the bottle. "And since you really like it, I'm sure that'll make it work even better!"

"I'm certain of that, Rin. I mean who wouldn't like magic chocolate milk?" LuClipse85 smiled, liking her milk moustache off her upper lip.

Rin handed her the pocky, which LuClipse85 accepted gleefully and devoured.

"Thanks, Rin. I feel much better already." The fan-author smiled brightly, wondering if the girl had anymore treats for her.

Rin proceeded to the final stage of her "get-well" process; the fan-art pictures of Miroku, which grasped LuClipse85's immediate attention.

"See? This is one is Miroku using his staff on a demon. This one is him using his kazaana to wipe out a demon army during a battle; and this one is when I saw him being a really naughty boy and Sango-san slapped him! I felt sorry for him because it looked like it hurt a lot, so I drew this last one for him. I only imagined it, but Sango forgives him for being bad and Miroku-san gives her a BIG kiss!"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The InuYasha cast remained on the set, eating the rest of the sweets provided. Inuyasha and Koga had gotten into another fight over Kagome; Sesshomaru stood at the other of the table in his regular clothes eating the Tokyo party mix, silently rooting for Koga while everyone conversed with each other.

Rin entered the studio and approached Sesshomaru.

"So, did you tend to LuClipse85's 'fever', Rin?" He asked

"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru. I gave her magic potion and pocky and she started feeling much better." Rin pulled out her drawings and showed them to him. "But then I showed LuClipse85-san this drawing of Miroku-san kissing Sango-san, and her fever disappeared completely!"

Just as Sesshomaru saw the drawing, LuClipse85 walked onto the studio set and sat in her director's chair, sulking and looking very upset. Sesshomaru seemed amused at Rin's ironic cure for the fan-author's ailment.

"LuClipse85, you shouldn't look so melancholy." He stated with a cold smile when he made eye contact with her. "It is quite ironic that two perverts aren't meant to be, but just accept the fact that you're unworthy of the monk. It'll save you much heartache."

LuClipse85 narrowed her eyes angrily at the cruel demon lord, but then calmed down and put on a sadistic smile herself as she thought of a better punishment than slapping him. "Just for that, you're wearing the wig too!"

Sesshomaru's face went blank as he got a mental picture of himself in his costume. He stood to protest but by then LuClipse85 had turned her attention to the others, calling them to their places. Miroku walked onto the stage in his uniform and noticed her sulking in her chair. Inuyasha saw her too, proceeding to label her a horny Miroku fangirl.

"Inuyasha, don't be so cruel." Miroku reprimanded. "That actually wasn't a bad experience. LuClipse85's a very good kisser."

She overheard Miroku's compliment and perked up with a bright happy smile. "Really, Miroku?"

He smiled back. "Oh absolutely; although I think Sango's much better, you're a good kisser, LuClipse85."

The fan-author kept her visage as the words "Sango's much better" echoed eerily through her mind.

Koga sort of pitied her for a second. "Man, I know he was trying to cheer her up, but the way he said that, Sesshomaru was being nice." He mumbled, shoving a blueberry muffin in his mouth.

LuClipse85's smile broadened. "Oh, well, don't worry, I'm okay now. I apologize for my –**KCH**! behavior earli –**Kch**! **KCH**! earlier on. Okay, then let's –**KCH! **Let's gi –**KCHKCH! **Get on wit-**KCHKCH! KKKKK-KCH...LIGHTS!**"

Everyone stared at LuClipse85 in fear and then quickly resumed their places, distancing themselves from her. Ginta and Hakkaku remained near the table, behind it whispering to each other.

"I told you that woman was mental, Ginta."

"She's gonna have one hell of an inferiority complex now."

Everything was finally ready.

"Okay," LuClipse85 hollered through the megaphone. "Cue the theme song!"

The band started up and the show went under way,

* * *

Fighting evil by moonlight  
Womanizing by daylight  
Pretty girls never escape his sight  
He is the one named Sailor H 

Under a woman's skirt he's always headed  
Thinking of Sango's wrath makes him cower with dread  
Always thinking with the wrong head  
He is the one named Sailorrrrr….

Sailor Taijiya!  
Sailor Mercury!  
Sailor Mars!  
Sailor Jupiter!

Running around  
He's always on the prowl  
He is the one named Sailor H

(guitar solo)

A woman's distrust he always will earn  
Regarding her age, he's never concerned  
Ay-yi-yi! When will he ever learn?  
He is the one named Sailor H  
He is the one named Sailor H

He is the one!  
Sailor H!

* * *

LuClipse85 snickered while the rest of the cast, save Miroku, got a good laugh from the theme song.

"LuClipse85! What was that?" Miroku exclaimed in shock.

"I believe it's a parody of the American Sailor Moon theme song, Miroku." Myoga spoke up from Inuyasha's neck, where he was immediately squashed.

Miroku teardropped. "I know what it is, Myoga! I'm talking about the lyrics! How could you do that, LuClipse85?"

She could only snicker uncontrollably as the song replayed in her head. "It'd be great if I could take all the credit, but I only came up with the first verse!"

She received stares of disbelief. "You mean **someone else** wrote the rest of that?"

"Uh-huh."

"And just who's the ingenious crackhead who helped come up with that?" Inuyasha wondered sarcastically.

"She's right behind you, Inuyasha." Sango replied flatly, standing behind him.

Miroku couldn't believe it. "Et tu, Sango?"

"You looked like I stabbed you in the back, Miroku! What about that 'California Girls' ("Taijiya Girls") parody you made about me last summer?" Sango retaliated with a playful smirk.

Miroku glanced to the side, saying nothing more. He had thought the lyrics matched her perfectly and assumed Sango had proven her point.

"Who would've thought insanity could be contagious?" Sesshomaru thought aloud, though he praised her from coming up with a fitting parody.

"LuClipse85 was nice enough to give me a role I could live with so I thought I'd help her out with the opening theme." Sango stated proudly, hoping she didn't get too many death glares.

Nobody was cross; at least they could all get some enjoyment in their prison. Miroku couldn't be upset. He just gazed at her in admiration for her lyrics. LuClipse85's eyes darted between Miroku and Sango sharply, she then hollered for everyone to take their places.

Since Miroku already did the opening, they just skipped forward to where he had come home from school. Miroku was actually an "A" student and quite popular. If he could just keep his hands off of the girls and stop stalking them for his firstborn child, his reputation would be better.

"A stalker? Is that how you see me, LuClipse85?" Miroku exclaimed, interrupting the narration.

"Well technically, that's what you do, Miroku. You see a group of pretty girls and you move in on your prey." Sango responded as-a-matter-of-factly.

Miroku gave a weak smile, feeling the dagger of Sango's words pierce through him.

Can I finish now?

"Oh sorry, go ahead."

Okay, then. Miroku had just brought his test home to his mother (Mrs. Higurashi filled in this small role), proud of yet another excellent.

"Excellent! I'm so proud of you, Miroku!" Mrs. Higurashi beamed with pride. "Now show me your other test."

Miroku was caught off guard. "Uh, other test?"

"Well, I should say progress report. Y'know, from the school psychiatrist with your womanizing problem? These last few weeks I've been so happy that you told me you were getting better and closer to reaching your goal, Miroku!" Mrs. Higurashi smiled.

Sesshomaru scoffed with an anticipating smile, KNOWING Miroku was going to get it for that deceitful technicality.

Mrs. Higurashi waited patiently for her son to show her the report; during which, Miroku stammered, searching for some excuse to give her. After a silent pause, he gave up and showed her.

Outside the house was Rin (playing Miroku's little sister) who had just arrived home from school. She stood across the door where she heard loud hollering and pleading. Through the window, she saw Miroku running from Mrs. Higurashi who swung her rolling pin at his head, getting a few hits in. Jaken laughed spitefully, saying he deserved it for when he nearly beat him to death. Rin continued to watch and listen, giggling as it seemed funny.

"You have the audacity to try and deceive your own mother, you delinquent? For that, you're not allowed in the house!" She hollered in a rage as she carried Miroku to the door and threw him out onto the front lawn, slamming the door and locking it.

_Better him than me._ Kagome thought, grateful she had a good reason for failing grades.

Miroku spit out the grass in his mouth and sat up, leaning on the door and yelling to be allowed inside.

"Sorry, can't hear ya!" She replied, returning to her cooking.

Miroku ceased and looked to his side, finding Rin smiling at him. "Don't be sad, big brother Miroku. One day, you'll be the most popular guy in school and girls will line up to be your girlfriend!" She declared, encouragingly.

"Yeah, when he stops going into heat every time he sees one." Ginta muttered under his breath, getting a snicker from Hakkaku and Koga.

Miroku stood to his feet, taking his sister's encouragement. "Well, since I'm banned from the house I think I'll pay my ladyfriends a visit and see if one of them will let me study with them." He said, implying another hidden meaning.

Mrs. Higurashi suddenly burst through the door and seized Miroku's left ear and dragged him inside. "I swear, boy, are you even trying?" She hollered, dragging him upstairs to his room while he yelled in pain.

She let go of his ear and directed Miroku into his room. "It's best to keep a horny cat inside the house than let him wreak havoc outside! Now you stay in here until dinner and think about your actions, Miroku!"

Mrs. Higurashi closed the door and walked down the hallway, complaining about her paradox of a son: a straight "A" student, but a lecherous pervert. Miroku overheard her and just smiled, shrugging it off and laid on his bed, doing as his mother told him.

"I asked Eri-san if she would bear my child, then offered to buy her something special to make up for my advance. I don't see why she got so upset; a garter belt from Victoria's Secret is a very nice gift. Oh, no wonder she got mad." Miroku thought aloud to himself, "I should've suggested the sheer silk nightgown on page 37. That would've suited her better."

Miroku yawned, feeling very sleepy. He decided to do his homework later and took a nap. He hadn't closed his eyes for a minute when he suddenly heard his window slam, waking him up and bringing his eyes in that direction.

There was Kirara standing on his bed staring at him with her large red eyes and a golden crescent moon on her forehead.

Miroku sat up, staring at the cat in surprise. "Kirara, what did Inuyasha do to you this time? Now you got a bald spot on your forehead!"

A vein popped onto Inuyasha's forehead. "I didn't do a damn thing to her! That's how the damn cat's supposed to look in 'Sailor Moon', ya igit!"

"Really Miroku, you should pay more attention to the manga." Kirara playfully teased.

Eyes bugged out as faces went blank.

"Dude, the cat talked!" Ginta exclaimed.

Kirara stared, teardropping. It's like nobody's ever seen a talking animal before.

Miroku had the same visage as everyone else. He saw her mouth move and hear a voice come out, so she had spoken alright. Then his visage changed as a thought came to him. _If this is Sailor Moon, parody or not, and Kirara can actually talk, then that means…_ He pondered, his mind forwarding to Sailor Moon S the movie. (If you know where that's headed, commence to cracking up)

Kirara felt just a tad uneasy with the blank look on Miroku's face. "Hey Miroku, you okay?"

"Oh yeah, fine. I was just thinking." Miroku stated with a smile. Then his face turned serious, looking into Kirara's eyes, and taking her front paws in his hands, "Kirara, will you bear my child?"

An instant silence washed over the studio, save for LuClipse85's hysterical laughing and the crash that sounded when she fell over. The entire cast stared at Miroku in shock and disgust. Even Sesshomaru was aghast as his eyes widened, the norimaki he was snacking on fell from his mouth as he froze. Miroku's **COMPLETELY **unexpected actions made him extremely uneasy.

"What the hell..?" Sango exclaimed, snapping out of her shock. She snatched the megaphone from LuClipse85, who was still on the floor kicking her feet in the air and laughing her head off, and screamed at Miroku, who was obviously **VERY** confused.

"**Miroku!**** What the hell are ya doin'?"**

Miroku turned to Sango, innocently, thinking she was overreacting. "I saw the Sailor Moon S movie where Luna turned into her human form. And she was quite beautiful I might add." He answered, a smile stretching from ear to ear.

LuClipse85's laughing got louder while the cast stared at him like he had completely gone insane.

"Well, they're both animals, so it makes sense." Sesshomaru muttered, trying to give himself comfort for his uneasiness.

Sango bared her gnashed teeth, fuming as steam puffed from her head. "**Okay, now you're just being stupid! In the movie, Luna was WISHED into a human! For ONE night!"**

She heaved through her clenched teeth, trying to calm down from screaming.

Miroku just stared blankly. "What does that have to do with Kirara?"

Sango fell over, along with everyone else. LuClipse85 kicked her feet harder in the air, about to turn colors from laughing so hard. Sango jumped back to her feet and shrieked, blowing Miroku's hair back, "**KIRARA'S STILL A CAT, YOU JACKASS!**"

LuClipse85 howled and screamed, laughing hysterically. Tears escaped her eyes as her left arm wrapped around her belly and her left fist pounded onto the floor.

"**AND YOU!**** SHUT-UP! IT AIN'T THAT FUNNY!"**

"The hell it isn't!" LuClipse85 managed while gasping for air.

"Hey Sango, leave her alone! Maybe if we're lucky, she'll laugh herself to death!" Inuyasha said with an impish smirk, praying for it to happen; then cursed in bitter disappointment as she began to recover.

The look on Miroku's face was priceless! He asked how it was possible for Kirara to talk if she wasn't human; LuClipse85 answered Letonia was using her telepathic powers to enable her to do so. When the truth sunk in, his eyes bugged out and his jaw nearly hit the bed cover. Everyone then cracked up as the fan-author recovered, wiping the tears from her eyes, panting.

"Sango, what're you so uptight about? That's perfectly normal for Miroku." She stated, referring to Miroku hitting on technical women.

Sango misunderstood LuClipse85's point of view, focusing on what she saw. "He just flirted with my cat! Even for him, that ain't normal! That just says 'disturbed'!"

"Disturbed, lonely, utterly confused, in need of psychiatric help." Grandpa Higurashi listed in a mutter, still sipping his green tea.

Miroku turned to Kirara, chuckling nervously with a huge teardrop on his head, releasing Kirara's paws. "Uh, listen Kirara, would it be possible for us to forget this misunderstanding and never speak of it for the rest of our lives?" He pleaded.

"Way ahead of you, Miroku." She responded flatly, then cleared her throat and went on with her lines, "Miroku, I have been searching for you for a long time. And I'm elated to have finally found the chosen warrior of the moon! So then, you must- Miroku!"

Kirara looked up and found him reading the summer edition of his Victoria's Secret catalog, completely tuning her out.

"She'd look so cute in that, and so hot in that one!" Miroku said to himself, seeing Sango in all the displays, grinning happily.

"I'm not that familiar with this guy, but obviously he's SERIOUSLY addicted to women." Koga muttered, feeling a bit uneasy by Miroku's lechery.

Kirara waved her paw in the air, recapturing Miroku's attention as he put the catalog to the side and gave the cat his attention. She was about to speak when she noticed a golden brooch pinned onto Miroku's uniform.

"Where'd you get that?" Kirara inquired, pointing to the brooch.

Miroku looked down at it. "Oh this? Sango gave it to me last night. She said it was a prop for the show or something like that."

It was Kirara's job to make it magically appear, but now Sango had saved her some work doing that backflip thing. Then she noticed Miroku looked like he didn't know what it was for. She asked him if he knew his role. No, he said. Kirara asked him more directly if he knew who was playing in this parody and Miroku seriously didn't know.

_That dense monk couldn't figure it out from the theme song?_ Jaken thought.

The rest of the cast thought likewise, rolling their eyes up; then got mental pictures of Miroku's reaction when he made his entrance and turned toward him with anticipation. _This oughta be good! _They all thought.

Since Miroku didn't know what the brooch was for, Kirara decided to play around with Miroku in the meantime, "How would you feel about being a warrior, soldier if you will, for love and justice, Miroku?" She asked with a sly smile, keeping her intentions hidden.

The idea appealed to him as his visage showed enthusiasm. Miroku got up from his bed and posed like a knight. "It would a great honor, Kirara, I mean, Luna. If presented the opportunity, I would be most obliged to fight for love and justice, though mostly for love." He added with a seductive tone and a matching smile.

_Pervert. _"Well, given that, would you like to meet other girls with the same mission as you?"

Miroku gave a positive response, saying he'd be more than happy to meet them. Actually, he was more than excited. Inuyasha fumed at being called a girl, while Koga laughed at it, then cringed when he thought about it more.

Kirara teased Miroku more with a conniving smile, "Are you certain, Miroku? A great responsibility goes with it."

"Yes, I am willing to accept the title of a soldier for love and justice and all responsibilities that may come with it." Miroku stated solemnly, taking it as an oath.

Everyone inched closer with anticipation, LuClipse85 whipping out her binoculars.

"Very well then, repeat after me, 'Moon Prism Power, Make-Up!'"

"Hmm, simple enough. Moon Prism Power, Make-Up!" He shouted, raising his hand in the air.

Miroku underwent the transformation, but much to the fan-author's dismay, it was presented in the American version: EDITED!

"HEY! WHAT GIVES? WHY CAN'T I SEE WHAT HIS MAMA GAVE HIM?" She screamed.

Kagome handed LuClipse85 a notice from FanFiction Administration, saying since she had a "PG-13" (T) rating, she had to keep nudity at an absolute minimum, and Sesshomaru took up the absolute minimum for the moment. She roared, ripping the notice to shreds and threw them in the air like confetti.

"Fine! If I can't see the goods, then the rest of the season will be like this!" LuClipse85 huffed, pouting like a child.

Koga growled quietly, glancing to the side. That meant he wouldn't see what's under Kagome's uniform.

The transformation ended. Miroku swayed a little, as he felt a little lightheaded. "Man, what a trip."

Suddenly, the studio was filled with the loud laughter of Miroku's co-workers. They all pointed and made comments about him; a few whistles from Kashiya and Shippo were heard. Kirara fell onto her back, kicking her paws in the air, laughing along with everyone else.

Miroku looked around in confusion. "What? What? I missed the joke!"

"Oh Buddha, that's hilarious!" Koga shouted, grabbing his sides.

"What's so funny, people?" Miroku inquired.

Hachi spoke up from behind the refreshment table. "Look at yourself, Master Miroku! You're Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon!"

Miroku stared blankly in disbelief when he noticed his clothes didn't quite fit right. Souta got him a mirror, allowing him to see himself in his sailor suit. Miroku's eyes nearly fell out of their sockets: the sailor suit fit rather tight, showing off his muscles and six-pack. His toned arms and legs were displayed even through the elbow-length gloves and knee-high boots. The choker didn't live up to its name, the tiara fit right, the earrings made him feel a little girly, and thank Buddha nobody could rightfully call him 'odango-atama' ('Dumpling head' in Japanese version/ 'Meatball head' in American version) as his hair was too short for it.

Miroku stared in disbelief for a while, then turned to the side, then to the other, and did Sailor Moon's pose with the cheery smile, earning laughter and compliments from his co-workers.

"Not bad, I actually look good in this. I could do without the boots, but I look good." Miroku complimented himself while turning around to see if the bow in the back made his butt look big.

Sesshomaru found the whole thing unnecessary. "There's no need to patronize yourself, unholy monk. You look far too effeminate for compliments."

"At least I don't look far too effeminate 24/7, Sesshomaru." Miroku retaliated, earning admiration from LuClipse85.

Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes and positioned his fingers, preparing to unleash his whip when the fan-author splashed him with freezing water, transforming him into a harmless demon puppy. He glared in annoyance at LuClipse85 who smiled down at him dominantly.

"Keep yourself in check, Fluffy, or else." She threatened in a low tone.

"Or else what, woman? What further humiliation can you put me through?"

LuClipse85 grabbed him by that patch of skin in the back of his neck and lifted him to her face. She reminded him of her good friend, Priestess-of-Blue's songfic "Songfic Shuffle", the third chapter being a request made by her in which Sesshomaru and Miroku were performing to Lou Bega's "Mambo No.5". The fan-author gave the demon puppy lord a scary smile, stating that if he tried to attack her beloved monk again, she'd have him dance in his costume….to the Macarena!

Sesshomaru shut up instantly as she had answered his question, and was restored to normal. He stood and watched in his cold wet clothes as punishment.

Miroku asked LuClipse85 if the sailor suit came in a larger size and was answered that it was supposed to be that tight.

"How can Sailor Moon work like this?" Miroku wondered as he tried to stretch it out even a little.

"You never asked that when you used to watch the show, Master Miroku." Hachi pointed out. "You were so focused on the panty shots you almost always had no idea what was going on in the story."

LuClipse85 called in Koharu, who played Molly (American)/ Naru (Japanese) and the demon extra that would be playing her attacker. Koharu combed her hair, making herself look good for Miroku while the demon talked to his family on the cell phone, telling them he'd be on TV and for them to watch him.

"Action!" LuClipse85 hollered.

The demon proceeded to strangle Koharu as she tried to resist. "Your mother's locked in the basement! When I kill you, I'll send her to hell with you!" It gloated.

"Unhand that maiden, you demon!"

The demon turned its neck completely around and found Miroku standing in the doorway, heroically, his mini skirt blowing with the light breeze.

_Can we lose the dramatics please? This thing's drafty! _He thought keeping his serious visage, teardropping.

The demon tried not to laugh and continued according to the script, "And who the hell are you? Can't you see I'm trying to kill someone here?"

"Miro...! Miroku-sama?" Koharu at first exclaimed in happiness but then saw him in Sailor Moon's costume and started wondering. "Miroku-sama, what…?"

"Talk to her." He said flatly, pointing his thumb to LuClipse85, then resumed his heroic appearance. "I will not leave this young woman alone! She shall live so that she may know the joyous feeling of love!"

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed. "Something about him saying that makes it sound illegal." (Quote for Hatori from Fruits Basket)

Miroku struck a pose and gave the famous speech, with his own addition:

Ai to seigi yo! Daibuban wa ai (For love and justice! Love for the most part)

Sailor fuku bishoujo senshi (The pretty (female) soldier in a sailor suit)

Sailor Moon! (Sailor Moon)

Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo! (In the name of the moon, I punish you!)

Miroku ended his speech with Sailor Moon's famous pose, then froze with a teardrop as he once again heard laughing. He brought his eyes over to LuClipse85, who was vainly trying to restrain a snicker.

"NOW, what's so funny?"

"Master Miroku," Hachi struggled in-between snickers, "Sailor Moon's a girl, you're a guy! Change the nouns!"

"What're you talking about, Hachi? Technically, I **am **a girl!"

"Good point." Kagome added, giggling. "But just say 'bishounen' instead, Miroku."

"Ai to seigi yo! Daibuban wa ai! Sailor fuku **bishounen **senshi! Sailor Moon! Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo!" Miroku reiterated.

"Great!" LuClipse85 praised, "Now say it again with Sailor H."

"(sigh) Ai to seigi yo. Daibuban wa ai. Sailor fuku bishounen senshi. Sailor H! Tsukini kawatte oshiokyo." He said again flatly.

The demon released Koharu and turned its attention to Miroku…uh, Sailor H. The jewelry store victims who'd fainted from having their energy stolen were revived under the demon's control and attacked Sailor H on command. As a reflex, he went for his sacred sutras but found he wasn't wearing his robes! LuClipse85 told him not to use them anyway as it wasn't part of his role.

"So what am I supposed to do then? Run around like this?" Sailor H hollered back as he dodged and jumped every which way to avoid the controlled humans.

"Yeah actually!" LuClipse85 answered.

"What?"

"Haven't you been around Hachi long enough to take notes? Just act like him and go by the script!" LuClipse85 said as Sailor H ran about the stage.

"He didn't read the script." Shippo said flatly, eating a sweet dumpling. "He was up late playing Street Fighter and dreaming about Sango, remember?"

She stared at Miroku. "Man, is he gonna be surprised later on."

Miroku tripped and fell against a pillar, the controlled humans began to close in on him as the demon flew over them.

"This is the end, Sailor H!"

The demon stretched its arm, extending knife-like claws to kill Sailor H when it stopped; something zoomed by and intercepted its path. Miroku looked down at the floor across from him.

A red rose.

"What the hell…" The demon uttered.

Just as they both wondered, loud guitar music played, putting looks of confusion on their faces. Sailor H saw a shadow appear over the rose and slowly looked up. Inuyasha followed him, then spitefully laughed loudly as the singing began; the camera zooming in on the parts mentioned.

_Clean shirt_

_New shoes_

_I don't know where I am going to _

_Silk suit_

_Black tie_

_I don't need a reason why_

_They come runnin' just as fast as they can_

_'Cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man_

All the women on the set, including LuClipse85, sang the last line with enthusiasm, especially Ayame. Miroku and the demon looked in the open window.

There stood Koga as Tuxedo Mask, his cape blowing in the wind with a smile, only because Kagome gazed at him.

_Did that damn woman have to make that my theme song? _Koga growled in his thoughts, keeping his smile.

Inuyasha continued to laugh at Koga intentionally. "Hey look in the window! It's a gay penguin in a cape!"

"Ah, shut the hell up, mutt! I'd like to see you wear this stupid thing!" Koga hollered, losing his composure.

"No thanks, you look better in it than me! Of course, you're more of an ass than you look! You actually think Kagome'll go out with a penguin? You look more like you're trying to seduce Miroku!"

"**Rrrr****! Damn the tuxedo, damn you, AND DAMN ZZ TOP!**** TURN THAT DAMN MUSIC OFF!**" (disclaimer #1/ disclaimer #2: I don't own 'Family Guy')

The CD scratched to a stop, allowing everyone to clearly hear another of Inuyasha and Koga's fights. Kirara stepped out from behind the pillar, bringing the distracted demon to Sailor H's attention.

"Sailor H! Now's your chance! Yell 'Moon Tiara Action' and throw the tiara!" She whispered.

Miroku didn't argue and stood to his feet. He had always wondered if the tiara thing was as easy as it looked.

"Moon Tiara Action!" He yelled, launching the tiara!

….and missing the demon. The tiara shot all around the studio like a pinball machine, with the cast dodging out of the way to avoid being moondusted. Koga was practically dancing on the windowsill trying to avoid it. Inuyasha still taunted him as he ducked the runaway tiara.

"He's a maniac, maniac-" He sang.

"SHUT UP, WILL YOU!"

The tiara headed toward Sesshomaru. Like he had all the time in the world, he unsheathed Toukijin, held it up and let the tiara bounce off and fly elsewhere.

Just then Kikyo walked into the studio. Since LuClipse85 said her scene was cut until the next chapter to save time, Kikyo decided to go shopping at the mall. The tiara bounced back and forth off the walls several more times and collided into her!

Everyone rushed to her and found a pile of moondust. A scream crescendoed from the ceiling and Kikyo's head fell onto the pile, still in tact.

"Aw man! I just got my legs re-glazed!" She griped.

LuClipse85 looked impressed. "Well, that saved me a lot of trouble."

"What?" Kikyo asked.

"I said Miroku needs a stunt double. URASUE!"

The witch dragged herself into the studio toward the fan-author. "You hollered, LuClipse85?" She answered flatly.

"Yeah, the ceramic zombie needs to be refired."

"I'm so misunderstood!" Kikyo lamented. "I'm not a ceramic zombie! I'm a living priestess!"

"And I'm Whitney Houston (before she turned crackhead)." LuClipse85 stated sarcastically, then turned to Urasue. "Deal with it, will ya, Urasue?"

The witch held out her hand expectantly. "First, hand over the dead presidents."

She received Lincoln and Washington's coffins, which she tossed to the side.

"I meant, give me the benjamins!" She demanded, trying her luck with another slang term.

LuClipse85 gave her a DVD copy of "All About the Benjamins", which Urasue threw behind him into Jaken's head, knocking him out. She grew aggravated as the fan-author playfully annoyed her.

"Just give me my money, dammit!" She yelled.

LuClipse85 reached into Urasue's pocket, pulled out whatever change she had in there and placed in her open hand. Her assistants laughed at her antics while the witch growled in agitation. LuClipse85 told her to chill as she was only joking around and paid her. Urasue grumbled as she swept up Kikyo's dust, placed it in a Ziplock© bag and walked to her kiln, dragging the claypot's head by her hair on the ground.

"I need a new gig." The witch complained.

"And I need a new body, so get movin'!" Kikyo's head griped.

LuClipse85 had Miroku try the Moon Tiara Action thing again, using her own powers to set up a protective barrier to prevent anyone except the demon from getting hit. It took him several times, even with the barrier, but after thirty-seven takes the tiara finally hit the demon and reduced it to a pile of moondust.

_Psh! It's about time you got it right, monk! _Koga took a deep breath to gather his nerve for his line. "Well done, Sailor H! I will remember this night. _Against my will._ Farewell!"

Koga turned around suavely, keeping his eyes on Kagome, and gracefully leapt out the window, his cape floating behind him giving the impression he was flying in slow motion. Ayame and Kagome gazed in admiration, thinking he looked very handsome; Inuyasha twitched with jealousy.

Koga floated in the air when he froze, his eyes popping open when he realized something.

"WHAT THE HELL AM I DOIN'? THIS IS A FIVE-STORY DROP!" He dropped like a lead weight, screaming.

"Moron." Sesshomaru sneered.

Inuyasha bit his lip to hold back the laughter that wanted to escape so that he could hear the whistling noise as Koga fell, then released it upon hearing the loud crash.

Miroku rolled his eyes up, tiredly, after having enough of this for one day and walked off the set to his dressing room.

"Hey Miroku, there's still one more scene left." Sango told him as he headed upstairs.

"I'm too tired, Sango. We can do it later." Miroku answered with a yawn.

"No, we can't Miroku." LuClipse85 contradicted, despite wanting to let him have his way. "Since I'm making a parody I have to go along with the original series."

She called 'action' for the ending scene.

"I had the coolest dream last night! This handsome warrior named Sailor H rescued me from this butt-ugly demon!" Koharu exclaimed excitedly, happy to see Miroku again, despite what he was wearing.

"For real? I had the same dream!" Another girl said. "Me too!" Said another.

"Man, how strange! Hey, did you have the same dream too, Miroku? Miroku?"

The seat where Miroku was supposed to be was empty.

"Where's Miroku?" Koharu wondered, looking all around the set.

Everyone looked around when Shippo brought everyone's attention to the stairs, where Miroku lay asleep. Sango giggled, thinking he looked cute.

LuClipse85 smiled herself, "Okay, cue 'Heart Moving' and that's a wrap for this chapter!"

Sango helped Miroku to his room while everyone else headed to their trailers. Ginta, Hakkaku, and Ayame had technically left early to help Koga outside. Inuyasha ran out with them, just to laugh at the injured wolf some more.

"My word, LuClipse85, twenty-nine pages?" Mrs. Higurashi exclaimed as she skimmed through LuClipse85's script for chapter 3 of "Sailor H". "You certainly enjoy writing."

"Yeah, I gotta do something to keep myself sane since I don't get out much."

Sesshomaru recalled everything that had gone on in the studio during the filming and then LuClipse85's answer. "An ironic paradox." He muttered, quickly heading toward the door to his trailer.

"Indeed." Grandpa Higurashi agreed, overhearing Sesshomaru and finishing his cup of tea. "Young people today with their warped imaginations. Why, in my day, youngsters had more practical things to do with their time, like working, and attending to their shrines and such."

He got up from his seat, stood for 2 seconds, then rushed for the bathroom.

"That'll happen when you just sit and drink fifteen cups of green tea the whole time, old man."

* * *

Author's Notes: 

"Sharp Dressed Man" belongs to ZZ Top. And the concept of that being Koga's theme song came this site by Mara-chan (I think that's her name) called "You Know You Watch Too Much Sailor Moon When". A big 'Thank You' to her for making that site, reviving my fond and humorous memories of my Sailor Moon addiction and giving me ideas that almost made me die from laughter!

And that act about me playin' around with Urasue, that' s true about my character. I will actually do that around my closest friends and even my mom when I'm feeling playful. (smiles, something else to learn about me, Minmay-chan)

Also, since you guys begged me to update, I expect reviews! So review! (smiles) Sailor Moon Says! See ya! (giggles) Note: I don't own the "Sailor Moon Says" bit either!


	4. One Year Later

Letonia climbed atop the tallest palm tree of the studio in the middle of the night, looking everywhere for Sesshomaru.

"Good, Mr. Prettyboy ain't here." She whispered.

"Hello to all and welcome back to the fourth installment of the blockbuster, Sailor H. From the great LuClipse85, she speaks in her SINCEREST apologies for thealmost year longdelay. Time passed her by so fast as she got involved in other things, mainly college. Plus, she was having a bit of a creative block which she has finally overcome. LuClipse85 gives her indefinite gratitude to everyone for being patient with her.

"There! I gave the intro and no Fluffy interruptions! Victory is mine! AHAHAHAHA-"

A rock slammed into her forehead. The force caused her to stumble and lose her balance off the palm tree.

"Must you make so much commotion at two in the morning, Letonia? There are those of us who need to sleep!" Sesshomaru yelled from his three story trailer, his hair in curlers and an avocado mask covering his face.

"Same can be said about you, Fluffy! Shut your fat trap!" Inuyasha hollered from his two-story trailer. He paused with a stare, then cackled at his half-brother's appearance.

"Silence, Inuyasha! Rin is practicing for her future in beauty school!" The taiyoukai retaliated, almost proudly.

The hanyou laughed louder. "Had a 'girls' night, did ya, Sesshomaru? HA HA! Hey, ask the kid to beat you a little harder with that ugly stick! It'll improve your looks!"

Inuyasha almost fell out of his windowsill laughing spitefully at his brother trying to look pretty.

Up until Sesshomaru leapt from his trailer and beat the hanyou silent.

* * *

LuClipse85 sat on her soft white bed sheets in her baby lavender spaghetti strapped nightgown, silk and reaching down mid-thigh length, displaying her smooth milk chocolate brown legs. A disappointed and almost saddened expression rested on her face and she twirled at her braids. Her spirits lifted a bit when a pair of strong arms lovingly enveloped her from behind and gently pulled her closer. 

"My dear LuClipse85, why do you look so sad? Did that mean Sesshomaru give you any problems?" Miroku purred softy to her, embracing her close to his bare chest.

She looked behind her, taking a long glance at him. Miroku looked so hot in his black pajama pants as he flashed his diamond smile.

"No, he didn't. I just," LuClipse85 said quietly, "I just get the idea that you prefer Sango to me. The way you stare at her…"

Miroku chuckled and nuzzled the back of her neck.

"Yes, it is true that Sango is quite beautiful." He placed a feathery kiss on her bare shoulder. "But she is far from comparison to my Hershey's Kiss."

Miroku's affectionate kisses tickled LuClipse85's delicate skin, making her giggle in happiness. She turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, gazing deep into his indigo eyes.

"Honto, anata?" LuClipse85 asked with a hopeful smile.

Miroku's smile broadened in affirmation. "For real, You know you be havin' me straight trippin', boo." (Line from "Bringin' Down The House)

He placed a lingering kiss upon her lips, then looked into her brown eyes with his trademark sly smile. "Now, come and give Miroku some of that brown sugar."

He eased his darling gently onto the bed, laying atop her. LuClipse85 smiled blissfully as her Miroku lovingly caressed her. He moved in to greet her lips with his. Her eyes closed as she awaited them.

"Miroku…."

**SLAM!**

"**HEY! YO! WAKE UP, WOMAN! WE GOT A SHOW TO DO!"**

The door loudly slammed open and was followed by Koga's thunderous voice. LuClipse85 was startled out of her bed and crashed onto the floor. She sat and looked around bewildered. When she realized she was awake, the fan-author mourned her lost dream.

"Yo! C'mon, woman, we ain't got all day! Let's get movin'!" Koga commanded, clapping his hands and snapping his fingers to get her up.

**POW! BAM! PUNCH! CRUNCH! SNAP! CRASH! BIFF! SLAP! BOOT! ETC.!**

Koga flew through the trailer wall and crashed nosily into the parking lot on the other side of the studio.

"**CAN A SISTA FANTASIZE IN PEACE, YA DAMN WOLF!" **LuClipse85 screamed as she slammed her door and went back to sleep.

* * *

Inside LC85 Intergalactic Studios, the cast gathered and griped as their year long vacation had come to an end. 

"I wonder if LuClipse85 has been well." Mrs. Higurashi stated to herself as she ate breakfast. "It isn't like her to update **this** late."

Grandpa Higurashi sipped his teas and grumbled. "Knowing that youngster, she was probably gathering more disturbing material for this silly parody of hers."

"Hmph! And here I was hoping the woman was in a coma." Jaken muttered.

Inuyasha slurped his ramen noisily to ignore the pain from his beating earlier that morning. "It's goin' on 10:30 now, where the hell is that damn woman?"

The studio door opened and in walked LuClipse85, heavily bandaged and limping. Kagome and Akari helped her to her director's seat and asked what had happened to her.

The fan-author had felt VERY guilty about not updating in so long she had gone to apologize to her fans. She met up with Inuyasha Fan-san and to make her reviewers feel better, let herself get hit. After the beatdown from that one reviewer, a line from the others started.

"Surely, that is inaccurate." Sesshomaru taunted with a smile. "The mighty-as-an-ox LuClipse85 got, as they say, owned?"

The taiyoukai laughed spitefully. LuClipse85 slowly turned toward him with a sadistic grin.

"Keep it up, Fluffy; I got plans for you."

Sesshomaru blew her off, thinking she couldn't come up with anything more to do to him. The fan-author was about to get things underway, when the studio doors flew open and someone stood in the bright light from outside.

"The queen has arrived!"

The cast stared while LuClipse85 excitedly whipped out her Polaroid camera to take pictures. The woman approached the crew and posed extravagantly as the doors closed behind her.

It was Kikyo, making her entrance as Queen Beryl.

Everyone went back to what they were doing while LuClipse85 lowered her camera, looking rather peeved. Kikyo stood in her pose, teardropping.

"Hel-LOOO!" She griped in annoyance.

"We heard ya the first time, woman!" Koga muttered from his wheelchair as Hakkaku pushed him in.

Kikyo whined, stomping her foot down loudly, then met the fan-author's glare. "What?"

"You said 'the queen' was in the house, Kikyo!"

"I did: Queen Beryl!" Kikyo resumed her dramatics. "Who'd you think I meant?"

LuClipse85 answered sarcastically, "Oh I don't know. Maybe Elizabeth, Esther, Sheba….Latifah!"

"Well Queen Ki- Beryl is here! Ruler of the universe, you will all bow to me!"

Dragon Strike.

"That's my line." Sesshomaru affirmed.

Toukijin sent Kikyo exploding, pieces of her sham body flying all over the set. Inuyasha held up an umbrella to keep clay dust from falling into his ramen. Letonia staggered into the studio, trying to coordinate herself on crutches while waiting for her leg to heal. She looked around and found pieces of Kikyo everywhere, her hair, still attached to her head, got caught on the ceiling fan.

"What happened here?" Letonia wondered.

"Kiln exploded." Sesshomaru coolly answered.

Urasue was summoned again, much to her displeasure. She vacuumed Kikyo's remains and went back to her kiln. Just then, a blue cloud of smoke streamed from the floor before Queen Beryl's throne. The cloud cleared and revealed a creature in robes standing three feet tall.

"Sesshomaru-sama arrived I have. Defeat the Dark Kingdom I will."

The cast's laughter sounded all through the building as Jaken stood impersonating Yoda.

"And just what in blazes are you half-wits, minus Sesshomaru-sama and Rin, laughing at?" The toad screamed.

Sango tried to calm down her laughing. "Misunderstood your role you have."

"Look a damn thing like Yoda sure as hell he do not!" Inuyasha added, joining Sango's burst of laughter.

Jaken snarled, veins popping onto his head. "Rrr! That impudent Kashiya told me my part and I appeared as ordered!"

More laughter!

"NOW WHAT!"

LuClipse85 answered inbetween her laugher, "Your role was 'Jedeite'! Not 'Jedi Knight'!"

Jaken stood with a blank face, teardropping more and the cast continued to crack up.

"The half-wit **now **who is?" Inuyasha taunted, cackling.

Sesshomaru looked on in boredom as Rin hopped down toward Jaken, pulling hard on his ears to stretch them out and drawing on his bald forehead with white crayon to make him look more like Yoda. He looked up at the ceiling, his mind wandering.

He stilled.

Sesshomaru hadn't a clue why the thought came to him, it may have been invoked when newly fired Kikyo rejoined the cast. But, however its conception, the thought entered his mind and disturbed him:

What if Inuyasha had married Kikyo?

(Fluffy daydream)

"Oh Sesshomaru-dono, thank you so very much for deeming us worthy to enter your lovely home. We are most honored and deeply privileged. Oh, I love this piece of art you have here, it's so life-like and detailed. Although, the finish is a bit rough and the glaze quite ruddy, and the figure is a bit deformed, I find it a wonderful porcelain. Please tell me, what is the title of this artwork, Sesshomaru-dono?"

"My sister-in-law."

(end)

Sesshomaru was thankful that never happened. The dishonor of having an undead woman for an in-law would be TOO great. Then the concept hit him that his half-brother was **IN LOVE **with the undead woman!

His golden eyes narrowed in disgust s he tried to restrain a shudder. "It is bad enough to have Inuyasha as my half-breed brother, but having him be a **necrophiliac**? And LuClipse85 says **I** require therapy."

Sesshomaru was busy with his thought and listening to Elton John playing on the radio, when it switched to a Queen CD playing, "I Want To Break Free". It brought him back to find the studio was empty. Getting uneasy, his eyes searched around, wondering why everyone had left without his knowing.

Standing on his side was LuClipse85, with her innocent know-she-up-to-somethin' smile.

Immediately, Sesshomaru looked around for an exit but found none.

"Don't be in such a hurry, Sesshomaru. I won't keep you long." She chirped. "Thank you for volunteering."

"Volunteering?" He inquired suspiciously. "For what? I offer service to no one."

"That wasn't the case last chapter when you graciously offered an **ass-**load of fan-service.

"If you have a statement to make, I suggest you make it, LuClipse85. I disapprove of wasting time." Sesshomaru growled.

"Very well, I just announced not to long ago that I was cutting today's shooting short cuz I can't really get into my work. MAINLY because Sailor Mercury shows up and the position for her is still open."

The taiyoukai stood still, figuring out where LuClipse85 was going with that.

"Well, you're right on the money, Sesshy." She responded. "But here's the deal,

"You recruit someone to play Sailor Mercury or YOU get it. Blue miniskirt, blue boots, blue dyed hair, the whole ten yards."

Sesshomaru's displeasure only brought LuClipse85 more humor. "One more thing," She continued, "In doing this, you can't threaten the people, co-erce, extort, bribe or anything you'd normally do to get your way."

He despised the fan-author for her actions; at the same, playing ANY of the Sailor Senshi would be even more disgraceful than the role pre-assigned to him.

"How is it I cannot perform those actions, yet you are free to do so?" Sesshomaru growled indignantly.

"I'm the queen, that's why." LuClipse85 quoted her favorite fridge magnet.

Sesshomaru took a step to leave.

"One MORE thing," LuClipse85 said with a Chinese accent, "I suggest you don't dawdle about it. You got a time limit."

"When?"

"Tomorrow morning. 7AM."

She tried to restrain her laughter as the demon lord growled at her, his eyes flashing red as he positioned his fingers. He then stopped when was threatened with a garden hose connected to Spring of Drowned Jerry Seinfield water. He calmed and turned to leave again.

"One **MORE** thing…"

A vein popped onto Sesshomaru's head. "**What now?**"

"The first person you ask has to be your brother. That's all. See ya!"

Sesshomaru was left standing in the empty studio starting at the door, contemplating over which method he should handling that requirement.

Self-poisoning or seppuku?

In her trailer, Kikyo was in her walk-in closet going through her lingerie trying to see which one was best to entice Inuyasha with. She had been griping that she had missed the filming since she was being refired and out of irritation, Sesshomaru haphazardly ordered she "seduce Inuyasha or something".

"Inuyasha is my enemy and I normally think nothing of him….

"But maybe that was just **TOO** cruel." Sesshomaru wondered when he thought about it.

Kikyo looked at herself in a VERY revealing lingerie and giggled giddily. She imagined Inuyasha seeing her and pouncing on her, and laughed like a happy maniac.

"Oh my! Kikyo, you're such a naughty girl!" She said to herself, unable to cease her annoying girly giggling.

Kikyo found her favorite, her eye lighting up as she saw herself bringing out the passionate animal in him. She grinned ear to ear and slipped into a white bathrobe, the hem cut JUST above her thighs, displaying her long pale legs. She was about to head out to her beloved when she wondered what else could go with it. Kikyo looked around her closet again when she saw a shiny metal in the very back behind the rack, barely visible in the darkness. Curiously, she got closer, looking through the small space between the iron pole and clothes hangers at the metal.

"Ooh, how pretty." Kikyo whispered as the object shined.

She got even closer to see what it was, and just stared.

It was a metal hole!

Kikyo blinked in confusion, several question marks popping above her head as she tried to figure out what the thing was.

The metal teardropped.

Kikyo blinked again, then her eyes widened. Enlightment had finally smacked her.

"Hey, that's a-"

**BANG!**

**THUD.**

"50 million yen! Final offer!"

"I thought LuClipse85 said you could bribe."

"She said that accounted for people to do my bidding. With your rebellious self, you wouldn't glare at me if I ordered you to!" Sesshomaru rose his voice at Inuyasha, who only sat at his table, arms crossed proudly with a sly smirk as he had heard of his brother's dilemma.

"Well if my elder brother insists, who am I to argue?" The hanyou stated looking away in agreement. "I'll say it's a generous offer, Sesshomaru. For you, it's downright saintly.

"But, no can do."

Inuyasha looked back in time to see Sesshomaru's left eye twitch sharply, looking like it was almost closed.

Inuyasha tried to restrain his pent up laughter. "How does Sesshounii make his huge owl eyes?" He released it loudly.

"Silence, half-breed!" Sesshomaru roared. "You should show your brother gratitude for offering you redemption from your embarrassing role!"

"Keh! Open your eyes, you stupid jackass! You think I'd trade fire for ice? I may still be prancin' in a mini-skirt, but at least my powers are useful! With that fire power….."

Sesshomaru saw a rather amusing look on his brother's face, that "I could take over the whole frickin' planet with my powers" look.

"I could make hundreds of bowls of ramen in half the time! I'll be invincible!"

Sesshomaru crashed onto the table. _Why am I cursed to be related to this **no**-wit half demon!_

Inuyasha gloated throughout the remainder of the interview and sent Sesshomaru out the door, slamming it against the back of his head. He stared and then stepped off the porch, several feet before the trailer.

Then leveled it with Toukijin.

Sesshomaru smiled at his handiwork, then looked in the distance and saw a cloaked figure stealing off into the night. A thought came to him to hunt the figure down and cast her/him for the part, but in no time, it had disappeared into the dark.

He went about his way; it was beneath him to chase someone for a trivial matter. Sesshomaru looked behind him and saw Inuyasha peeking from the pile of rubble that was his trailer, wearing a taunting grin.

"HA HA! Screw you, hippie! Your precious Elton John CDs were in here!"

The cloaked figure stood atop the studio rooftop, looking down at the trailer park.

_Kya ha haaa! My work is done here. I should head back._

The figure looked down at Inuyasha's destroyed trailer, where the hanyou fought off the taiyoukai, who mourned the loss of his autographed CDs.

The figure teardropped. _Can't we all just get along? _Then, leapt into the night.

* * *

Author's Groveling:

I am SOOO very sorry to all of my readers! I got caught up with my other fanfics and then college has been SO demanding! Then I said, I can't take it no mo'! I gotta update this! There'll be another update soon, school's almost out and that'll leave me with plenty of time to work on fanfics.

Provided the 108 degree heat down here doesn't get to me in the summer. (weak laugh)

Anyway, I thank you all so very much for your reviews and interest in my little Sailor Moon parody. Well, everyone's trippin' over who Sesshomaru's gonna be playin', so I better get regular updates goin'.

Peace out, y'all! (peace sign)


End file.
